Brain, Child
this quarter featured a funny but ultimately unsatisfying piece by Moncia Crumback, who discovered
that her son’s grandparents were plotting a secret baptism. Mother and father
met at a Lutheran college and left that institution “a lot more liberal and a
lot less Lutheran.” (I understand that those two “l’s” don’t go together in
some people’s minds, but it irritates me that this sentence prompts no further
explanation).
As a pastor, I have seen all too often how
grandparently zeal for “getting it done” can overhwhelm any meaningful
conversation in the family about what baptism means, or the parents' religious
intentions for their children. I applaud the Cumbacks' recognition that, given
their own lack of commitment to Christianity, they have no business baptizing a
child. We pastors really don’t want anyone to be put in the position of lying
to themselves, their family, or to God.
On the other hand, I find the author’s description of their
spiritual plans for their children less than honest. They will expose their
children to the stories of a variety of faiths, they say, and when their
children are grown “they can choose.” I have heard this approach defended many
a time, often from people who are equally clear that they would be appalled if
their child grew up to, say, drive a Hummer or join the Republican party.
Let’s be honest. To expose your child to a lot of “stories”
and “philosophies,” but no living community of faith or ritual practice, is to
instill in your child a quasi-religious philosophy, namely one of secular
skepticism. While it’s entirely possible that such children will grow to some
day commit themselves heart and soul to a traditional religious faith, they
would not be following in their parents’ footsteps as they do so – and odds are
good that such a conversion would cause family tension. Their children will
indeed choose, but their parents have made a clear bid for what they hope that
choice will be.
Religion, ultimately, is a very human endeavor, a bit like
language. I know some very committed interfaith families, but they work very
hard at teaching their children more than one language of faith – and that
includes interaction with community, holiday celebration, Scriptures, and
ritual practice like worship. It is the difference between raising a child
bilingually and saying you will expose them to a half-dozen languages and let
them pick one later on.
I appreciate the respect the church is granted when people
are honest to God. Let’s just be completely honest that non-belief is also passed
down to our children.
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