My dear husband and I work in fields that look completely different. I'm a parish pastor. He consults with federal, state and local governments at the intersection of sustainable land use, transportation, and climate change. My job is about as local as it gets. He racks up frequent flier miles. My job is ancient, his didn't exist as a profession fifty years ago. People immediately know what I do when I wear my collar. If you really want to understand his job, you need to watch a PowerPoint presentation.
But the differences end there. We both try to facilitate long-term, sustainable community growth. We both spend lots of time on the phone. And we both encounter some of the same intractable dynamics, known as human nature.
One of our pet peeves is what the recovery community has aptly coined "terminal uniqueness." You see it when someone argues hard that they don't have a problem, even when every external measure says they do.
"Other people might fall into addiction drinking this much, but I can handle it."
"Other churches might be facing hardship if they continue to age without focusing on growth, but ours won't, because we're so unusual."
"Other communities might be facing long-term environmental issues if they continue to grow this way, but ours won't."
Oddly enough, the pattern continues even when people DO acknowledge that they have a problem. In fact, it's often even worse then.
"Other people might need medication to get out of this hole of depression, but I don't."
"Other families might benefit from therapy, but our problems are so unique we won't find a solution there."
"Other towns might benefit from learning some basic principles for sustainable growth, but our situation is so unique, that won't work here."
Ironically, the insistence on being "special" is often the very thing that spells doom -- because one codependent family is oddly very much like another, and one town that is sprawling with mindless car-dependent growth is going to end up looking like every other town with mindless sprawl. The very things that make individuals, families, and local communities unique are lost when they refuse to learn from the experience of other individuals, families, and communities.
